Lord Notary: Picture Perfect Pain

How do you explain death to a six year old? This was one of the many things on my mind at my last appointment.

I walked up to a most charming historical home in Pasadena. It was painted sunny yellow with white trim. It had a cheerful tree dotted with bright ripe oranges gracing the front lawn. I walked up the stairs thinking to myself it looked like the perfect doll house. A gem.

I went in not knowing what to expect. More often than not, the only information I have is an address and a name. I was greeted by a friendly woman who looked to be in her late 30s or early 40s. Immediately she asked if I had been told what was going on, to which I replied no. She proceeded to tell me, without much emotion, that her husband had stage four liver cancer and didn’t have much longer to live. I was there to help them sort through papers and execute amendments to their trusts and updated living wills as well as their regular wills.

As she went off to ready the papers, I started chatting to her husband about England (his birthplace) and my recent trip there. As I’ve noticed with a lot of dying patients, there wasn’t a hint of self pity. He was only 45, but pale and frail with a distended stomach protruding from his terribly thin frame. Despite his discomfort, he was sitting up in a chair, smiling, gracious and grateful to me. I watched with admiration as he engaged with his six-year-old daughter. She giggled as she played and I wondered what she knew. It seemed very much to me like they lived each day as normally as they could given the circumstances.

At one point, the wife leaned over and gave her husband a kiss on the forehead. So much tenderness and love in that gesture. It was palpable. I felt as though their entire courtship, marriage, and life as parents flashed before me in that moment. So many thoughts were swirling in my mind. He was 9 years younger than me. How unfair life was sometimes! What have they told their daughter? Is she old enough to even understand the concept of death? I wondered how much her life would be forever changed having lost her father at such a young age.

How do you ever emotionally prepare to lose the love of your life and the father of your child? Would she also have financial burdens to bear once a single mother or did these papers provide for her financially as she dealt with her unbearable grief?

I also thought of the many people who die without a loving family surrounding them.

I walked out of that yellow house much differently than when I went in. I remember walking up the stairs, musing how it would be my ideal home. Forty five minutes later, I walked down the stairs, reminded to be grateful for all my blessings, to live in the moment, and never take anything or anyone for granted. My heart was heavy because I now knew of all the pain inside that pretty yellow house.

Lisa Lord
www.lordnotary.com